What to Say to Someone Grieving a Loss

fiastro • May 20, 2020

When was the last time you expressed sympathy to someone who had lost a loved one? Did you feel awkward or uncomfortable? Would you be surprised to learn you aren’t the only one who feels this way?

Let’s face it – nobody wants to talk about death and dying. It’s not a topic that inspires easy conversation and even though our mortality is undisputed, giving condolences to people who are grieving can be challenging. What’s the right thing to say? And how do you say it? Is it better to write a note or send flowers instead?

Remember first that every situation is different and nothing about death is black or white. Losing a loved one is difficult and everybody has their own, unique way of dealing with grief. Still, there are certain things you can say and do to support those who have suffered a loss without resorting to overused clichés and empty gestures.


What to say

It’s really not a question of what you say, but  how  you say it. Don’t be afraid to offer condolences at a funeral – it may not be easy, but your words and deeds are truly appreciated. Here are some ways to go about it:

  • Just Listen  – if you find yourself at a loss for words at a funeral, the best thing you can do is listen. Sit with those in mourning and offer empathy by listening to their stories about the dearly departed. Be open and empathetic and don’t try to monopolize the conversation. Some people might not want to talk at all, which is absolutely fine. In this case, know that just being there can provide comfort (but watch for body language cues and know when it’s time to leave).
  • Share Memories  – funerals are a celebration of life and sharing memories of those who have passed on is a good way to memorialize the event. Those who are grieving are often happy to hear stories about their loved ones – anecdotes about your relationship with the deceased can be uplifting in a time of stress, and also help distract from the situation at hand. Just make sure the focus of the story is not about you and make it brief – nobody likes a talkaholic!
  • Offer Help  – if you’re going to offer assistance, don’t say “Let me know if you need any help.” This will likely fall upon deaf ears as the affected person is probably deluged with offers of help and doesn’t want to be pressured to come up with something for you to do. Think of genuine ways you can help and be specific, e.g. “Don’t worry about cleaning house this week – I’ll pop over and help you out,” or “I know Mike walked the dogs in the mornings – I’d be happy to do that for you for the next few weeks.”
  • Write a Letter  – you may not get a chance to say anything to the family at the funeral but you can still express sympathy via a condolence letter. Your sentiments can be short and simple, e.g.  “Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother,”  or you can share a warm memory so the reader understands how you felt about their loved one. Using the deceased’s name is important as it shows you aren’t afraid to speak of him or her. Your letter doesn’t have to perfect – just remember that it’s the thought that counts.

What NOT to say

You want to pay your respects and let the family know you care, but how do you say it and sound authentic at the same time? There are certain canned phrases that you should avoid saying at a funeral – here are some of them:

cremation services hacienda heights ca
By White Emerson Mortuary 07 Mar, 2024
White Emerson Mortuary provides compassionate and dignified cremation services. Reach out to celebrate and honor the legacy of your loved ones.
funeral homes hacienda heights, ca
By White Emerson Mortuary 07 Mar, 2024
Delve into a captivating historical exploration of burial rites and discover how White Emerson Mortuary reflects our deepest respect for the dearly departed.
cremation services el monte ca
By White Emerson Mortuary 07 Mar, 2024
Explore how White Emerson Mortuary assists you in choosing a dignified final resting place, ensuring your loved one's legacy is celebrated.
funeral homes el monte ca
By White Emerson Mortuary 04 Mar, 2024
Dive into how White Emerson Mortuary aids families in choosing heartfelt memorials that honor their loved ones’ legacies. Contact us for guidance.
cremation services in Whittier CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 12 Feb, 2024
Explore the factors driving the rise in popularity of cremation over the years, including changing beliefs, environmental concerns, and personalization.
funeral homes in Whittier CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 12 Feb, 2024
Explore insightful ways to support someone beyond the initial grief period, offering presence, understanding, and patience to those in mourning.
cremation services Hacienda Heights CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 02 Feb, 2024
Learn how to select the right cremation service during preplanning, ensuring your final wishes are honored and easing the burden for your loved ones.
funeral homes in Hacienda Heights CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 02 Feb, 2024
Explore the importance of therapeutic activities for families after a veteran's funeral service. These activities aid in healing and navigating the grief journey.
funeral services in El Monte CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 12 Jan, 2024
Explore our systematic approach to choosing a memorial marker after cremation, simplifying the process during a difficult time.
funeral services in El Monte CA
By White Emerson Mortuary 12 Jan, 2024
Explore the vital role of funeral homes in honoring veterans, from arranging military honors to providing emotional support and educating the community.
More Posts
Share by:
>