• Pre-planning Checklist

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Talk of a Lifetime

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The Funeral and Memorial Information Council (FAMIC) created Have the Talk of a Lifetime to help families have important conversations about the things that matter most to them and how a person’s life story can be remembered and honored in a meaningful way.

Memorialization is so much more than it used to be. Today it can reflect a person’s life story, values, interests and experiences. Meaningful memorialization can be transformative, healing and comforting. Have the Talk of a Lifetime offers families practical advice and tools to help them have conversations about the things that matter most and how they hope to be remembered when they die and for generations to come.

Why is Having the Talk Important?

Deep down, most of us want to know that we, in some way, made a difference in this world. Having the Talk of a Lifetime can make the difference of a lifetime. It can help reacquaint us with our loved ones and help us get to know them in a new and different way. Sitting down with your loved ones to talk about their lives can be rich and satisfying. Learning about memorable events and people, places and favorite activities, values and lessons they have learned can help bring us closer to those we care about most. The talk helps us reaffirm to our loved ones how much they have impacted our life.

Who Should Have the Talk?

You can have the talk of a lifetime with anyone you hold dear – your parents, children, grandparents, aunts and uncles, a spouse or a friend. It can happen anywhere you and your loved one are most comfortable – over a meal, at home, on a walk, at a family gathering or while playing a game. Your conversation can take place at any time, not just at the end of your life.

How do I Start the Talk?

Sometimes, using a visual prompt, such as a photo album, souvenir, or memento, can be a great way to start a conversation. Memorable places, such as the church where your loved one was married or a favorite park can also help someone begin to open up and share their story.

You could share a memory about a vacation you took together and will always remember, a piece of advice that you cherish, a song that reminds you of them or the reasons you will never forget them. You may wish to take notes during or after your conversation, or make an audio recording. You should choose whatever method seems most appropriate and comfortable given the setting of your conversation.

Some questions you could ask to start the talk are:

  • What is your proudest achievement?
  • What was the one piece of advice you received from your parents or grandparents that you never forgot?
  • Tell me about the most memorable summer you had growing up.
  • Tell me about your favorite teacher; what did you learn from him or her?
  • If you could spend a day doing anything you like, what would it be?
  • Who has been your greatest inspiration?

Pre-Planning Checklist

Pre-Planning Checklist

Dealing with the loss of a loved one can be overwhelming to your surviving family and friends, but pre-planning your funeral service can help them better deal with the stress of losing someone.

Choose the Type of Service You Want

Pre-planning your funeral service can not only ease the burden on your loved ones, but it helps ensure your final wishes are honored. While some families struggle with making those final decisions after losing someone, your family won’t have to worry with making those hard choices.

  • Choose what funeral home and director you would like to use to handle your service.
  • Decide what type of service you want (traditional, cremation, donation, etc…).
  • If you choose a traditional service with burial, decide where you want to be buried.
  • Meet with the funeral director and look at your options for caskets and urns.
  • If you decide you want to be buried, choose clothing options.
  • Look at options for a location to hold your service (funeral home, religious facility, sentimental building, graveside).
  • What type of flowers do you want? Do you want flowers, or would you rather donations be given to a particular charity or a charity of one’s choice?
  • Who will be a part of your service? You should decide on pallbearers and even ask them personally. You should also decide who you would like to officiate or participate in your service.
  • Choose which songs you would like played at your service.
  • Write an obituary or make notes about information you would like to be included in your obituary.

Choose Who You Want to be in Charge

Your family and friends want to take part in the process of fulfilling your final wishes, they only need instructions on what they need to do.

  • Make sure someone, preferably your executor, has a copy of the will.
  • Give a family member or chosen friend a list of important account information that will need to be contacted and handled following your death. Also make sure someone knows your final wishes for your desired service.
  • Designate someone to be your power of attorney.
  • Have someone prepared to cancel basic utility services and subscriptions.

Choose To Pay In Advance

Making decisions about your funeral service in advance can benefit you and your survivors financially. If possible, pay for all expenses in advance, freeing your family from that financial burden. When possible, pre pay for:

  • Cemetery services, burial plot
  • All funeral arrangements including casket, urn, flowers, transportation and specialized services
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