Why the Holidays Are Not Always Jolly

One Woman’s Story

The holiday season is a wonderful time of year for most of us. But if you have lost someone significant, it can be a challenging period to get through. It’s natural to miss a loved one during special days. We recently received a story from a woman who lost her husband and a daughter in the past few years. She has allowed us to share her story with you. Maybe you can relate to her.

While sitting in my car in the parking lot, I asked myself why was I overcome with feelings I couldn’t manage at that moment? Why did I get so overwhelmed that I ran out of the store?

Every holiday season that rolls around brings with it innate feelings of dread, along with whatever excitement may be going on with my grandkids. I miss my husband and daughter’s presence, especially at the holidays – and I’m not afraid to say so. They left too soon. These days, the holidays only exacerbate what I feel. It’s like putting an empty chair in front of you everywhere you go as some cruel reminder that you are truly alone; and your loved one is never going to laugh with you on a holiday – ever again. And it feels as though everyone else in the world is having an amazing time, enjoying the preparations for their family gatherings and gift giving. Sometimes, it’s just awfully hard to take.

I am eternally grateful for all the blessings in my life – I really am. I’m not complaining, but sometimes I find I just need to speak these words out loud, “I miss you!!! I just wish you were here to share life with!”

Maybe you have felt this way. I have learned that after a year or two, everyone expects you to get on with life as though the funeral healed everything. Well I am getting on with life. But every once in awhile I wish I didn’t have to feel guilty for needing to talk about my husband. Or feel envy at mothers who still have all their children. It’s not that I wish anyone unhappiness. It’s just that some days are better than others.

I thank God for friendship, love and the compassion of others who are good listeners. Talking about the memory of my daughter and husband with someone who really cares at the moment I need to talk has made all the difference in my ability to go on with my life. It’s not right to  never  mention them – as though the subject is somehow taboo. They lived! And I want to remember that.

~ Sally M.